hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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