3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
