i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
