I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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