dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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