I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
