His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
