I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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