Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
