booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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