yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
