Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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