You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
