I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
