Im at strip club and am horny
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
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Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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