There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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