Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
