She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
