I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize