I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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