why didn't you poke me back
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
