who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
