dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize