At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
