Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This baby is an asshole
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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