I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
