I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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