im having a threesome with these popsicles
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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