i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just cropdusted the office
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
