Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my vag is so smooth its legendary
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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