Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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