Its about making memories worth repressing
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i've created a new STD.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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