Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
