Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
