Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
