Her vagina should come with caution tape.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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