i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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