If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
