We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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