When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it's like iHOP with fire
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
