I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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