So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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