Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
