just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
