yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
