shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
either way he was missing a nipple.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
