Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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