what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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