We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
