You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
