Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
