My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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