last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We are all done wearing pants today
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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