That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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