booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
