now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
