question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so let's talk penis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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