Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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