at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
