I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it's like heaven, but drunker
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
