Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
