Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
