my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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