The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
