Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
