what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
