I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am naked and annoyed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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