Your face is a jimmy john
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
