i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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