I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Shame - the story of my life.
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