my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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