Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
