So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
