Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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