shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize