dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
